23:24:55
New Year's resolution
Last year was go to school without bra.
I failed that so I am gonna have to keep trying.
But, besides that, 2010:
- Stay together with Ryan which really isnt a promise, more like the natrual thing to do.
- Get a kitten.
- Pass spanish.
- Stop using makeup.
dun dun dun duuuuuun.
22:58:57
301209
You know how intresting it is with people who cry in public places. Buses mostly is the best. Its not that you find joy in other peoples misery, it´s just that your curious about why that person is crying, what made her sad and how could you help her and if you should?
If that person sees you staring you will most likely give her a sympathic look and pout a little with your lips, just trying to tell her without talking that you feel with her, though you both know that you dont. Your just trying to be nice; without knowing what made her sad you can possibly not feel with her.
When your done with looking at that person you will in some wierd way feel a little happier then before; because, feeling a little ashamd of yourself, you just realized how great your life is. You have an amazing family, you love yourself, you love your friends and you are just a normal happy person; not that girl who cries in the bus.
And yet again, your thoughts and eyes will be with her, still wondering what horrible situation that put her in that
possition, what made her that girl..
But do you know what it feels like to be the girl?
You feel peoples eyes on you, when you are in one of the most vulnerable positions; sad and not able to hold it in anymore.
Do you think you want sympathic fake looks from persons you have never seen and never will again?
Do you think you want people to feel with you?
Actually, you want to be left alone with your emotions, because normaly you are way to pride and strong to let people see this. Your ashamed, at the same time as your kinda pissed off. Though the pissed off feeling is hard to sense, since there is so much other stuff floating down your cheeks.
You want the bus to drive faster, though you have no idea where you are so far. You can´t be botherd to think about that. You want to be home now. You want to be alone and away from curious eyes. Alone where you can scream, lie on the floor, cry as hard as you need to and let it out.
When your done with that you feel so empty, and kinda ridiculus.
What are you doing with makeup all smeared on your face looking like a cheap hooker?
You want to laugh, bring up the tension, feel less lonely. You want a hug.
But being alone, there is no one there to stop you from hurting.
You don´t even have a fucking kitten to cuddle.
01:00:58
300909
I am sooo very much tired, still; I went to bed at like 10 yesterday and I actually woke up at 12 this morning, if you can call that morning.
And I want to sleep, I really do.
But meeeeeeeh!!
Heart hurts, head hurts, cold and very lonely.
I always get depressed during christmas times.. I think it´s all the stopid glitter that´s getting to my head.
I will comfort myself with some tea and hugging my new teddy; Fat Louie. Or Stewie. I still don´t know what to call him.
09:46:40
281209
Why am I not sleeping? Its holidays for gods sake...
Thats like the unwriten rule; sleep trough the day and be up in the night, just because you can:D
I had a friend over from my old town and my old class, and now my apartment feels all empty:(
Depressing to actually admit this but I so need a roomie.. well I would be perfectly fine with a kitten but nooooo, no one wants to give me that!
Hopefully she will come back on friday so we can be "reckless" together again, but right now I think I am going to start with some homework so I can fall asleep again.
BYE!
22:34:07
Avatar
Yeah, pretty sure this is one of the best movies I have ever seen.
Really.
You forget that its animated, you even forget your in a fucking cinema.
Everything was just soooo perfectly flawless and beautiful and very much worth watching.
Can´t describe it really, but anyhow, I loved it.
AND I WANNA SEEEEE ITTTT AGAINNNN NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
BUT you have to see it in the movies, and in 3D, much better that way. Because watching it online or something is just really not fair to the movie.
22:11:10
R.I.P
Actually, one of the very few blond actresses that I genuinely liked. Not that Im like racist or whatever, I just generally have a hard time with blond people.
God, that sounds bad.
But, Brittany Murphy I really did like. Just married gave me a scar for life, in a good way.
And It is just such a horrible shame that she´s gone now, because she deserved to stay:(
Pretty, young and loved :'(
13:24:20
yay
When some students in my school go to Senegal and help talking to people about HIV and AIDS ect.
And you know how I really really wanted to go?
....................... :D :D :D :D
I got the interview in a few hours which hopefully will go awesome, but it´s pretty sure im going then!! :D:D:D HURRAYYYYYY!!
19:32:49
bored + happy + sugar rush =
And this is what that looks like.
About what it would be to have a mustasch.
So I tried.
And I failed.
So I got angry.
And thats how I look when Im angry.
But then I just out of nowhere got an idea.
About a very special someone..
I haven´t showed my blogg my lovely pennfolder!
Chucky!!
We love eachother :D ♥
21:43:23
Finally.
I found a song to bring me into THE christmas feeling.
OH YEEEAH!
So if you really love me, come one and let it SNOW!!!
19:51:10
Need.
Too much bad stuff has happed and everything sucks and I just get sick all the time and and and and it´s so cold and rainy and dark and horrible, and everything is so stressful and it´s just a freaking torture.
I swear if it wasn´t for wonderful Ryan I wouldn´t be alive to write this.
So blame him.
But I just need some sunshine and peace.
With ryan ofcourse, or else I dont want to go!
Thats what I want.
Basically what every swede does.
A very long and warm and sunny and awesome holiday in Thailand ♥♥
22:43:30
I still want a fucking kitten
17:16:35
the end
Meh, now everything just got waaay too emotional for my liking.
Lets just finish of with this: 
Becuase this, is awesome.
And also how Twilight should have ended.
17:02:10
hmm what to call this update..?
And I still defend you when someone says something bad, which is quite often.
Because we get eachother, you and me, and we are just as evil; we just show it in a different way.
You were the only person I had, and wasn´t afraid of being myself with during those months.. And I miss being that person to you too.
I miss being mean and rude to you, teasing you about absolutely everything, and I miss your depressing attempts of comebacks.
I miss our does-it-look-like-I-give-a-shit-attitude.
I miss complaining with you.
Planning, singing, lying, insulting, hitting, slapping, tickeling, giggeling, laughing, running, ditching, eating..
And I miss the person I was when I was with you.
Because we were pretty damn awesome.
16:02:38
071209
So I dislike you. Very much.
And I would really like if you were not even born.
NOT saying I want you to die, I just want you to never have been alive in the first place.
Buuut well, I guess I really can´t have everything can I?
Thing´s changed:(
13:20:23
THIS is Arthur
Ryan.. This is Arthur, right?
Right?
23:16:40
piiiiiiercing
Why do I love it so much? WHY!?
I´d do it without thinkning twice.. if I was allowed to. BUT since my father dearest says that if I do it, well I wont have a father dearest anymore then. As in I wouldn´t be his daughter anymore
And I quite like being his daughter.. so I think I better wait until Im 18 instead. Only 1 year and 3 months left now:D
23:00:54
Think twice
I used to be soo into this song a few years ago, and for some reason I still got it on my phone.
So like a week ago i accidently happend to start listening to it while I was walking to the bus and omgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.
I understand why I liked it so much.
Because it is just really really reaaaaaally good. Why did I even stop listening to it?
Based on protectivness and jealousy, which is ohhhhhhhh sooooo hot (besides when your the jealous one), there is no words for such awesomeness.
15:23:59
No idea what todays date is...
09:41:58
041209
Good Morning.
Without the "good".
Soooo, I had a huge spanish test today at 8.15 buuuut I could´nt get up since I have been sick since two days ago, and Im just sooo tierd and slow.
BUT I want to go to school!!
BUT boyfriend probably wont let me..
BUT he dosn´t have to know does he..?
Soooo I am going to school.
In gray sweat pants that says I <3 PRETTY THINGS in pink on the side.
Matching it of with a darker gray t-shirt with the print of a green Bart Simpson.
And to finish the whole sick look of, but people hopefully wont see it, I am also wearing a sportsbra.
yääääääääääääy passion for fashion
yeah..
Either I am very ambitous or just very sad.
00:20:44
My Wish List
- A KITTEN!!!!! I need something to cuddle..:( when my ryan isnt here thats it.
- THESE shoes: (!!)
- A Madonna collection from maybe the 85-90´s something
- Lady GaGa- "The Fame: Monster"
- This clock: 
But a pink one. (he he)
AND I now know I am getting it:D
- These shoes: 
kinda like that.. Looks better in reality:)
- Brown contact lenses, dark ones
- Pjamas:
- and a pj bag to put it in: 
- A kitten again cus I really really want one:/
I´d name it Microbee, Gus, Sebastian, Huckleberry, Psycho, Eliot or Ron.
orrrrr.... maaaaaaybeeeeeee... EDDY!!!!!:D:D
Best name ever, besides Chucky ofcourse..
22:34:13
epic
09:54:04
ooooooold news!
