2009-11-01
00:35:41
00:35:41
fuck my life
- Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML
- Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got it home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML
- Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
- Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML
- Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML
- Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
- Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML
- Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
- Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
- Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got it home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML
- Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
- Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML
- Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML
- Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
- Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML
- Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
- Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
