22:58:57
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You know how intresting it is with people who cry in public places. Buses mostly is the best. Its not that you find joy in other peoples misery, it´s just that your curious about why that person is crying, what made her sad and how could you help her and if you should?
If that person sees you staring you will most likely give her a sympathic look and pout a little with your lips, just trying to tell her without talking that you feel with her, though you both know that you dont. Your just trying to be nice; without knowing what made her sad you can possibly not feel with her.
When your done with looking at that person you will in some wierd way feel a little happier then before; because, feeling a little ashamd of yourself, you just realized how great your life is. You have an amazing family, you love yourself, you love your friends and you are just a normal happy person; not that girl who cries in the bus.
And yet again, your thoughts and eyes will be with her, still wondering what horrible situation that put her in that
possition, what made her that girl..
But do you know what it feels like to be the girl?
You feel peoples eyes on you, when you are in one of the most vulnerable positions; sad and not able to hold it in anymore.
Do you think you want sympathic fake looks from persons you have never seen and never will again?
Do you think you want people to feel with you?
Actually, you want to be left alone with your emotions, because normaly you are way to pride and strong to let people see this. Your ashamed, at the same time as your kinda pissed off. Though the pissed off feeling is hard to sense, since there is so much other stuff floating down your cheeks.
You want the bus to drive faster, though you have no idea where you are so far. You can´t be botherd to think about that. You want to be home now. You want to be alone and away from curious eyes. Alone where you can scream, lie on the floor, cry as hard as you need to and let it out.
When your done with that you feel so empty, and kinda ridiculus.
What are you doing with makeup all smeared on your face looking like a cheap hooker?
You want to laugh, bring up the tension, feel less lonely. You want a hug.
But being alone, there is no one there to stop you from hurting.
You don´t even have a fucking kitten to cuddle.
